Grieving miscarriage is definitely the worst part of miscarriage pain - miscarriage is horrible. There are things, though, that can help you get through.
1) Express Grief
Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process. Repressing grief can be harmful physically and emotionally. Cry, talk, write.
Although you will need time to yourself, try not to cut yourself off from people. You need the empathy of your family and friends who love you.
Talk to those who have also suffered a miscarriage. To know that others have gone through similar and survived is strengthening.
Putting your feelings into words helps make it easier to understand them and deal with them. If you find it difficult to talk about, write them down in a journal. Writing from your heart with no audience is a helpful release. Some find an outlet writing miscarriage poems .
Express your emotions coupled with understanding and accurate information. This will allow you to put your feelings into proper perspective.
2) Be Patient
"Don't expect too much of yourself", my midwife comforted me. As I was speaking to her three days after my miscarriage, the varying emotions I was feeling were slamming me around and I hardly understood them.
Moving from the initial emotional reactions mentioned above, you may go on to acute grief. This has been described as "insomnia, extreme fatigue, abrupt mood change, flawed judgement and even irrational resentment of your spouse".
People grieve differently, and grief reactions can overlap and vary in length of time. Be patient with yourself, it may last longer than you expected.
3) Husband's Grief
Your husband may not feel the loss in the same way as you do. This is understandable considering he probably didn't experience the same physical and emotional bonding with your baby in utero.
But, he did suffer loss. It's important to understand you are both suffering, although in different ways. Share your grief together.
4) Make Allowances For Others
Some of your friends or family may not know how to react or what to say. They may feel awkward. Be patient with them.
5) Regular Routine
Getting back into a regular routine may help your recovery. The structure of a normal routine may provide welcome distraction.
6) Letting Go
There are many layers to the emotional pain that comes with grieving miscarriage, and time changes them. Don't be afraid to let go of acute grief.
Miscarriage pain is invisible but devastating. You can survive miscarriage.
The above recommendations aided me greatly in grieving my miscarriage and I hope they will be of help to you too. Remember, be patient with yourself - healing takes time.
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